My brain isn't functioning at full capacity.
I make a half arsed attempt to open my eyes but the best I can manage is a blurred glimpse of a familiar blanket.
I'm in my own bed!?
This is so disorientating best adult comics
I'm hung over as shit, I know that much.
Last night got pretty messy. I recall with relative clarity everything up to the speeches, then it all becomes a bit of a blur.
Despite being a Sunday (bizarrely) my brother's wedding was a typical scenario of too many distant relatives you seemingly meet for the first time. Too young to remember the last encounters before they drift off into oblivion, only to be referenced from time to time by your parents as though reminiscing another life.
The food was pretty bland, I recall that much. It was only a couple weeks ago at the rehearsal that Barney had huffed something about having to cater the menu to all the allergy snowflakes turning up to mooch food and grog. Ah Barney haha. I never pictured him as the kind of guy to settle down. In our circle of friends, he was always the biggest pig when it came to women. Nobody would've bet on him being one of the first to have his switch flicked to 'domestic'. Of course there was Jacob, but he'd been infatuated with Sarah since primary school and they'd been a couple through most of high school. I mean sure, he might be one of 'the boys' mixing it up with the best of us but he doesn't really count when just as often he and Sarah are off on couple's retreats, or premieres of movies about sparkly vampire wankers.
"Yawwnnn!" I stretch out, god that feels goo... Huh? My foot brushes something solid and... warm!?
I'm perking up a bit now. Eyes still closed because light is the devil but I'm becoming more aware and awake. I slowly move my foot back to the same spot.
Sure enough, my toe rediscovers the earlier object, it's definitely warm but soft, how odd.
I'm growing more awake with each passing second but still disorientated.
I slowly inch my foot further over the alien object using my sole to create a better picture in my foggy mind.
It's familiar somehow.. I edge my foot further down.. It's... I'm struggling now. It's...
It's a fucking leg!
I'm definitely awake now, the disorientation turns to confusion.
My eyes still closed, I bring my arm that's still above my head, down beside me over the blanket.
My hand now at my waist, I gradually ease it toward the other side of the bed. The blanket ascends, definitely concealing something.
With the tips of my fingers I traverse the blanket to its peak.
I let my palm flatten atop the blanket and slightly squeeze.
An almost inaudible... moan?
I caress the spot, hoping to visualise what i'm touching, who am I touching??
They shift position and it becomes clear that I was feeling a hip, now, a cheek!
My mind is racing now. Who is in my bed? I'm reliving the events of the night earlier. The speeches. I made mine first as best man. It was fairly vulgar but resulted in ample laughter. I conclude with a toast and retake my seat at the bridal table, overlooking the sea of faces. There's a handful of speeches that follow, all resulting in toasts.
The closest table in front of us is dominated by Linda's family, all gleaming with pride at their blushing daughter and her new husband. Well, all except one. One has been looking in my direction since the speech. It's not a mistake, we're making eye contact every time I glance in their direction.
Back to reality, I realise I'd started to drift off from my current predicament hot free cams
At this point I figure the best course of action is to chance a look beside me before I decide further on what to do.
I force an eye open, immediately regretting the decision as the early morning sun blazes into my room amplifying my growing head trauma.
I persevere however and gradually take in my surroundings. The ceiling fan above me comes into focus and despite being off, slowly starts to turn. I really am hungover as shit...
I'm on my back looking straight up, I attempt a side-glance beside me but there's no distinguishable features.
My breathing becomes irregular. I'm trying to be silent and my stupid brain decides the best way to assist in this is to slow my exhales to the point I now need faster, louder breaths to catch up. Idiot brain..
I turn my head ever so slightly, the moronic breathing causes my heartbeat to appear in my ears, I still can't see who I'm lying beside.
I continue this slow head movement with renewed purpose, still trying to be as quiet as possible despite the crazy breathing causing my heart to pound louder still, it's so loud inside my ears now that I'm sure it's audible out of them.
A mess of hazel coloured hair attacking the pillow next to me starts to come into focus.
My head now completely turned, i realise i'm looking at the back of someone's head. The blanket is about shoulder height and I can make out the faint outline of a tattoo on the neck. The features are almost indistinguishable but it's enough to give me confirmation of who it is.
My breathing is all sorts of fucked up now. There's a tomtom playing in my ear. Can this be real!?
I'm getting panicky now, what the hell is going on. Why is she here?? How did this happen? I'm in such deep shit.
There's a cascade of scenarios playing through my mind now, none allude to a positive explanation for my current situation without nefarious methods.
In the midst of contemplating how to fake my own death, there's movement. I'm suddenly very aware that my hand is still gently massaging her arse. I quickly pull back my hand hoping she won't notice but it's too late.
"Ahh, I was enjoying that."
I attempt words but my mouth and throat are so dry that all I manage is a strange croaking sound. I try again, this time with more success.
"Ah, morning Alice."
"Hello Mike," she mutters whilst turning her face into the pillow, pausing momentarily before continuing to now face me.
Her bloodshot eyes slowly open to look at me through the curtain of hair. Mascara has seeped it's way around her eyelids creating that typical panda look, compliments of an unplanned sleepover; a look I am all too familiar with.
Her eyes close whilst her lips turn into a tired smile. She looks a complete mess and yet, even now, she's fucking stunning.
She reaches her hand towards my chest, still under the blanket, coming to a rest on my sternum. Doing so causes the blanket to slide further down her shoulders. My eyes hone in on a bit of side boob, those amazing breasts that I've fantasized about since I was a tween, are now right here, in my bed beside me.
I realise I'm staring because Alice's eyes are open again, watching me staring at her boob. I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.
She just smiles.
"You can just ask you know."
"Sorry?" not catching the drift of the comment.
"If you want to see them, just ask. You didn't have any problems last night," she laughs.
I'm reminded of the fact that I'm very much in the dark with what she's referring to.
"I hope I wasn't too inappropriate last night," I mutter with alien sincerity.
"Team meeting!" Wendy calls from down the hall, as I turn into the staff locker room sex-chats
tongue to be rewarded with her own.